Pretendland
I'd like to pretend that I'm too busy partying and having fun celebrating New Year's Eve to blog, but that would be a total lie. I'd like to pretend that I'm hosting the most talked about party of the year at my mansion, but that would be a total misrepresentation. I'd like to pretend that my guestlist to my misrepresentation would be the most powerful and prestigious people in the world, but that would be a total hallucination.
So here it is, 11:39 p.m. on December 31st and I"m sitting in front of my computer, sharing my totally misrepresented hallucination of a life to anyone who feels like reading this blog.
The thing is, I'm the wife of cop. A cop who works nights, none the less. So, he isn't home for us to celebrate. He's out there making sure that other people don't celebrate and drive, and don't celebrate and beat their spouses and don't celebrate and hit each other over the heads with beer bottles. He's making sure that the drunk people who ride their bikes don't run into telephone poles (yep, it happens) and when parents leave their young children at home so they (the parents) can go out and get drunk, he's out making sure the kids go somewhere to be taken care of. He'll be a counselor, a taxi, a judge, a minister and a father.
It isn't easy being a cop's wife. Aside from the extreme cases of praying that he doesn't get killed, I worry about him being hurt. I worry if his equipment like bulletproof vests is enough. Is it new enough? Advanced enough? Good enough? I worry about car accidents and him getting hit while he's on a traffic stop. (The way most police officer injuries and deaths occur). I worry about him getting in the middle of the fights that seem to happen a lot where he's at. I really had to train myself to stop agonizing over his job every single day. That's no way to live. And, worry doesn't prevent or help anything. He's very careful, and even after 14 years, is not complacent and smug about "It could never happen to me." I'm lucky that he goes into every situation thinking that his safety and the safety of his charges is #1. That anything can happen at any time. He never turns his back, literally or figuratively.
But, there have been times that I've laid awake at night, wondering what he's doing. Wondering if he's safe or bored or scared or tired. I pray a lot for his safety. When an officer in a neighboring city was killed last year, I had a lot of anxiety. I quizzed my husband on his procedures and equipment and we talked about various scenarios that could involve shootouts. But, I have to accept the fact that there are always variables that a person can't account for. I pray for his safety, but I know that worrying until I'm sick isn't healthy for me, for him, or for our relationship. I've come to accept the life as a cop's wife. I'm no hero or martyr, by any stretch of the imagination. But, it does take a certain kind of person to be the wife or husband of someone who is or could be in danger at any turn in the road. Be it a cop or a fireman or a fisherman.
DOH! Hey! It's midnight!! Happy New Year!!
Be safe and give a little thought about all those who are out there making sure we're safe. Soldiers, cops, firefighters...And, don't bike drunk!!!
So here it is, 11:39 p.m. on December 31st and I"m sitting in front of my computer, sharing my totally misrepresented hallucination of a life to anyone who feels like reading this blog.
The thing is, I'm the wife of cop. A cop who works nights, none the less. So, he isn't home for us to celebrate. He's out there making sure that other people don't celebrate and drive, and don't celebrate and beat their spouses and don't celebrate and hit each other over the heads with beer bottles. He's making sure that the drunk people who ride their bikes don't run into telephone poles (yep, it happens) and when parents leave their young children at home so they (the parents) can go out and get drunk, he's out making sure the kids go somewhere to be taken care of. He'll be a counselor, a taxi, a judge, a minister and a father.
It isn't easy being a cop's wife. Aside from the extreme cases of praying that he doesn't get killed, I worry about him being hurt. I worry if his equipment like bulletproof vests is enough. Is it new enough? Advanced enough? Good enough? I worry about car accidents and him getting hit while he's on a traffic stop. (The way most police officer injuries and deaths occur). I worry about him getting in the middle of the fights that seem to happen a lot where he's at. I really had to train myself to stop agonizing over his job every single day. That's no way to live. And, worry doesn't prevent or help anything. He's very careful, and even after 14 years, is not complacent and smug about "It could never happen to me." I'm lucky that he goes into every situation thinking that his safety and the safety of his charges is #1. That anything can happen at any time. He never turns his back, literally or figuratively.
But, there have been times that I've laid awake at night, wondering what he's doing. Wondering if he's safe or bored or scared or tired. I pray a lot for his safety. When an officer in a neighboring city was killed last year, I had a lot of anxiety. I quizzed my husband on his procedures and equipment and we talked about various scenarios that could involve shootouts. But, I have to accept the fact that there are always variables that a person can't account for. I pray for his safety, but I know that worrying until I'm sick isn't healthy for me, for him, or for our relationship. I've come to accept the life as a cop's wife. I'm no hero or martyr, by any stretch of the imagination. But, it does take a certain kind of person to be the wife or husband of someone who is or could be in danger at any turn in the road. Be it a cop or a fireman or a fisherman.
DOH! Hey! It's midnight!! Happy New Year!!
Be safe and give a little thought about all those who are out there making sure we're safe. Soldiers, cops, firefighters...And, don't bike drunk!!!
posted by Nebraska Angie @ 9:36 PM
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