Don't Hate Me Because I'm Fat
Okay. Here I go again. Another day, another diet. Want to know what triggered this one? A picture. a picture of me at a baseball game in Denver. I'm the biggest one in the picture by far. Matter of fact, I think I'm bigger than everyone else in the picture combined!
I'm not going to go into how I got fat (eating) or the reasons behind it (loneliness) but I want to go into how I'm going to try to fight it yet again. I have made a couple of goals for myself. First goal, to do 100 minutes of exercise a week. Spread out over 7 days, I think I can do that. My second goal is to stop eating like a freakin' goat. I am going to eat normal, healthy foods.
Whoever reads this (if anyone), I just want you to know I am so tired. Tired of not having clothes that fit. Tired of shopping at Lane Bryant. Tired of taking up so much space. I'm tired of going home after work and sleeping on the couch. (I will be doing that until this evil cold I have goes away, though.) Tired of feeling like I have the "fat person smell" of sweat and food and gross things. I'm tired of feeling bad about myself. I looked at those pictures and I'll tell you the truth, reader. I hate myself. More than I could have ever imagined possible. How could I be so weak as to let this happen to myself? Why can't I resist food? Why can't I commit to exercising? I know the problem. I eat too much and exercise too little. Great combination, huh? I know the problem, I just am having a hard time fixing the problem. It's a vicious circle. I'm too tired to exercise, so I don't. I can't exercise because I'm tired and I'm tired because I can't exercise.
Every day I go to bed feeling miserable about my weight and every day I get up feeling miserable about my weight. I also feel miserable during all the times in-between. This is not ME. This is not who I am. This is not who I wanted to grow up to be.
So, basically, reader, watch here. I will fill you in on how I'm doing, how I'm feeling, and how hungry I am. (Just kidding.) I'll keep a running log of exercising, eating, and emotions. I'll share my triumphs and defeats. I'll even tell you when I feel like giving up. If nobody reads this, that's fine, too. It's a way for me to tell my story, even to myself. I have to sort out the things in my brain before they come shooting out of my eyes. I will take my vitamins and drink my water. I'm a water fanatic anyway, so that shouldn't be a problem. Join me. Join me in my struggles and triumphs. Who knows? I might lose weight and you might get a laugh.
I'm not going to go into how I got fat (eating) or the reasons behind it (loneliness) but I want to go into how I'm going to try to fight it yet again. I have made a couple of goals for myself. First goal, to do 100 minutes of exercise a week. Spread out over 7 days, I think I can do that. My second goal is to stop eating like a freakin' goat. I am going to eat normal, healthy foods.
Whoever reads this (if anyone), I just want you to know I am so tired. Tired of not having clothes that fit. Tired of shopping at Lane Bryant. Tired of taking up so much space. I'm tired of going home after work and sleeping on the couch. (I will be doing that until this evil cold I have goes away, though.) Tired of feeling like I have the "fat person smell" of sweat and food and gross things. I'm tired of feeling bad about myself. I looked at those pictures and I'll tell you the truth, reader. I hate myself. More than I could have ever imagined possible. How could I be so weak as to let this happen to myself? Why can't I resist food? Why can't I commit to exercising? I know the problem. I eat too much and exercise too little. Great combination, huh? I know the problem, I just am having a hard time fixing the problem. It's a vicious circle. I'm too tired to exercise, so I don't. I can't exercise because I'm tired and I'm tired because I can't exercise.
Every day I go to bed feeling miserable about my weight and every day I get up feeling miserable about my weight. I also feel miserable during all the times in-between. This is not ME. This is not who I am. This is not who I wanted to grow up to be.
So, basically, reader, watch here. I will fill you in on how I'm doing, how I'm feeling, and how hungry I am. (Just kidding.) I'll keep a running log of exercising, eating, and emotions. I'll share my triumphs and defeats. I'll even tell you when I feel like giving up. If nobody reads this, that's fine, too. It's a way for me to tell my story, even to myself. I have to sort out the things in my brain before they come shooting out of my eyes. I will take my vitamins and drink my water. I'm a water fanatic anyway, so that shouldn't be a problem. Join me. Join me in my struggles and triumphs. Who knows? I might lose weight and you might get a laugh.
posted by Nebraska Angie @ 11:40 AM
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