The Case of the Fire Hydrant and my Dreams
I recently bought the 10th anniversary edition of "The Dream Dictionary." One of my favorite books. I have the original one at work. This book is pretty neat. You look up dreams and the book tells you what they're supposed to mean.
I'm a vivid dreamer. Have been my whole life. I remember them, and I remember them for years. For example, when I was four years old, I had a dream I was being chased by a giant Cornflake during a thunderstorm. See? I don't forget.
Anyway, every day I look up things from my dreams to see what they might mean. A common theme I keep getting is "represents things from your past". Or, "Could be an indicator of past hurts." "might show your ability to deal with past events." See the common denominator? The Past. Ago.
See, I had a weird past and I have been tempted many times to go into it on this blog board. I will still do it when the time is right, but now isn't that time. There were many things that happened to me, around me, and because of me that make up a whole black hole in my Ago. There they sit, sucking some of the happiness I may get from today. My past is always budging into my forebrain, convinced it needs to be part of today. "Hey, look at me!" It hisses. "Here I am! Don't forget me!."
What I would like to do is this: I would like to flip open the top of my head, hook a hose up to a fire hydrant, turn the water on, and BLAST the past from the part of my brain it lives in. I want to wash my gray matter clear of this gangrenous cancer that is the past. It affects my dreams, my waking hours, and my every day life. Can't it be so easy as to flush it out?
My therapist from Ago told me one time that I was very shaped by my childhood. (as is everyone, but I was, perhaps, misshappen) The problem is, I just don't exactly know how to unlock that. I don't know how to get it out of the back of my brain, into the front and then OUT. It seems to get stuck either in the back, or in the front, but I've never been able to get it out. Even subconsciously it's sticking there, affecting me. Affecting my relationships and my self esteem and my self confidence. Affecting how I view myself. Affecting how I view others. There has to be a way to deal with and get it out, but I'm at a loss.
I'm not convinced that the hydrant is a really BAD idea, per se. But, won't it also spray my eyeballs out?
I'm a vivid dreamer. Have been my whole life. I remember them, and I remember them for years. For example, when I was four years old, I had a dream I was being chased by a giant Cornflake during a thunderstorm. See? I don't forget.
Anyway, every day I look up things from my dreams to see what they might mean. A common theme I keep getting is "represents things from your past". Or, "Could be an indicator of past hurts." "might show your ability to deal with past events." See the common denominator? The Past. Ago.
See, I had a weird past and I have been tempted many times to go into it on this blog board. I will still do it when the time is right, but now isn't that time. There were many things that happened to me, around me, and because of me that make up a whole black hole in my Ago. There they sit, sucking some of the happiness I may get from today. My past is always budging into my forebrain, convinced it needs to be part of today. "Hey, look at me!" It hisses. "Here I am! Don't forget me!."
What I would like to do is this: I would like to flip open the top of my head, hook a hose up to a fire hydrant, turn the water on, and BLAST the past from the part of my brain it lives in. I want to wash my gray matter clear of this gangrenous cancer that is the past. It affects my dreams, my waking hours, and my every day life. Can't it be so easy as to flush it out?
My therapist from Ago told me one time that I was very shaped by my childhood. (as is everyone, but I was, perhaps, misshappen) The problem is, I just don't exactly know how to unlock that. I don't know how to get it out of the back of my brain, into the front and then OUT. It seems to get stuck either in the back, or in the front, but I've never been able to get it out. Even subconsciously it's sticking there, affecting me. Affecting my relationships and my self esteem and my self confidence. Affecting how I view myself. Affecting how I view others. There has to be a way to deal with and get it out, but I'm at a loss.
I'm not convinced that the hydrant is a really BAD idea, per se. But, won't it also spray my eyeballs out?
posted by Nebraska Angie @ 8:04 PM
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