Me and Jeff down at the Gym

Went and worked out again today. I'm buff now. I'm ripped. This was my 2nd day. I got there shortly before my new friend Jeff got there. He's the one that works there and walked me through the whole process and the paperwork. Ol' Jeff. Still handsome as he was, um...2 days ago. He was running on the treadmill next to me. He even spoke to me. Jeff. Whatta guy.

I'm getting better at these machines. The Arc machine is my favorite. Kinda like an elliptical, but easier on the old joints. I spent another 20 minutes on that bastard, all the while watching SportsCenter on ESPN. Love the football. I was a seasoned pro at the weight machines. I actually did them RIGHT this time. The leg extensions were hard. Believe. It took me like, 10 minutes to do 20 extensions. I was resting between reps. Or maybe slipping into a coma between reps. You decide. I was so exhausted! My muscles were filled with lacatic acid and I was totally floppy. I could barely get into my truck afterwards, I am so buff. Stupid as it sounds, I feel sort of empowered by this gym membership thing. Like I have a purpose and am really serious about getting into shape. It's kind of making me exercise. I have a ton of equipment downstairs, but I'm not paying for it, so there's no motivation. I just feel motivated this time. I'll see how it pans out.

Tomorrow is the holiday party at my work. That should be interesting. The company shells out a tremendous amount of dollars for fancy drinks and hor d'ouvers and people sit around and make dainty conversation about dainty subjects. One of these years, I want to see someone get wasted and start dancing on the tables or something. (please don't let it be me. please don't let it be me. pleasedon'tletitbeme.) I need things to be revved up a little. Maybe reveal some dirt on who is sleeping with who. (Ew, but statistically likely.) Maybe things are better left unknown.

What the Hell have I done???

I joined a fitness club today. It's called Snap fitness and it's a 24 hour fitness place. It's not very big. They have several treadmill, a couple of stationary bikes, and a few arc machines ( love those!). They also have a huge array of weight machines. It's only 30 dollars a month, no initiation, and has a month-to-month contract is all. If I throw in another $9, I can visit their tanning beds. It's a brand new shop, open only a few days so far, so there isn't too much butt sweat and gross things around yet.

So, I go in tonight and sign up with the help of a guy named Jeff. That boy was so cute!!! About 6'3", 200 pounds. gorgeous eyes. Nice hair. Nice smile. But, I digress... I plan on working out when nobody else is there. It looks closed?? Scan your card, presto! The lights come on! There were several people working out when I was there. One guy was freakin' RUNNING on a treadmill, about 20 miles per hour. And, I was on the Arc machine next to him, and his cadence was making ME fly on that damn machine. I was about dead. I think my pulse was 170. Jesus Christ! I did 20 minutes on the arc machine, and then moved to the weight machines. I'm no rocket scientist, and I'm a total retard when it comes to things mechanical. It was a joy, I'm sure, for Jeff to watch me stare at these weight machines, reading the instructions that are on the sides of them. They all have these Slim Goodbody type drawings, showing how to use the machine and what muscles it will work if used properly. Oh, used properly might be the key. I did the fly machine and about bent myself in half. Backwards. I am so sore at this point, that I probably won't be able to move in the morning. Way to completely overdo it on the first day!! I tried this crunch machine, but hey, my boobs are just too damn big to maneuver that thing. It ends up being a Snap Fitness 24 hour mammogram. That thing totally blew. I did a pretty good upper body workout and did some lower body stuff, too. And, the cardio workout with skippy the wonder whiz running next to me, throwing off my rhythm. All in all, I hope to have lost 134 pounds by tomorrow morning.

*Off note...the damn Detroit lions fired my 3rd favorite coach, Steve Mariucci. Bastards. I hope Dick Jauron leads them to the same 4-12 season he led the Bears to several years ago.

Goals for the Day

So, my seven year old daughter is in the chair, eating an ice cream thing, smacking like she was born in a barn. I finally made her go in her room to eat the rest of it, because she was driving me crazy! She knows better than that!!! I had to tell her three times to quit smacking and chomping on that damn thing. Then, later, she was putting on some lip gloss and she said, "This stuff is really good." She started smacking her lips and sounded like a farm animal. I'm about over the edge by this point.

I tell her, "Is it your goal today to smack and chomp and drive me to the brink of insanity?" She hops off the chair and calmly replies, "No, mom. That's my goal for tomorrow." I about peed myself I laughed so hard.

Watch Your Step. That's my head.

I got to talk to my cousin Sarah today. She's in Baghdad, an MP in the Army. Every time I talk to her, it breaks my heart. There she is, 10,000 miles away, with her "new" family of soldiers. We're all over here in Nebraska, worrying about her being 10,000 miles away. I got on the phone with her, after everyone else talked to her, and asked how she was. I asked her if it was ever quiet there and she said, "No, there's always something going on. We just all just do our jobs and pray that this isn't our day to go." Great. Sarah's 21 years old. If I could trade places with her for a week, I would. Just to give her a break. This is her second tour in Iraq. This time they told her to expect to be over there for two years, but she switched companies, so she is coming home in December, probably for close to a year. That was a big relief. She has met someone, too. An MP named Mike that she says, "I think he's the one. I think I can settle down and stop looking." I told her I was very happy for her, and that I always thought about her and she was in my prayers always. I didn't cry, though. This is like, the first time I've talked to her on the phone that I didn't cry. I normally try to wait until I get off the phone with her before I start leaking, at least, but this time I didn't even cry. Maybe it's because she's coming home in a month.

It was a good holiday. Good food, good conversation, good card games where I didn't win a single game. We had fun and talked and laughed. I had such a splitting headache by the time I got home, I thought I was going to puke. A person can only take so much family togetherness before their head explodes. I didn't eat like a pig, which I'm very proud of. I've been on a weigh lost plateau since I got back from Chicago in October. At least I haven't gained. I keep telling myself that, but what I really want to do is throw my scale through a window, jump out after it, stomp on it, hit it with a hammer, use a jackhammer on it, paint different, lower numbers in white out on the display, and run over it with a steamroller. But, my head hurts too bad to do that, so I will just keep it under my bathroom cabinet, where it normally sits, plotting it's next incorrect reading. "Let's seeeeee...." it cackles..."Let's flash that 5 at Angie this time again, and then quick! Change to 8! Maybe she'll hurt herself this time when she kicks me." Diabolical bastard, that scale.