People, People, People
I understand. I know it's hard to get things some times. Sometimes things are just so darn confusing that they can't expect a normal person to understand, right? I mean, sometimes it darn near takes an Engineering degree or a masters in mathematics just to figure things out, right? I know. I know.
However, "No Parking" signs ARE NOT ONE OF THOSE THINGS. No Parking. No Parking-Fire Lane Only. No Parking-Emergency Vehicles Only. No Parking-Just Because. Yes, Sparky at Target. This means you. Yes, Chester at the Mall. This also means you. Don't even get me started on Wal-Mart. See, if the "No" portion of the sign was covered by, say, snow, or bird shit, or bb gun pock marks, I could MAYBE see the confusion. I could MAYBE see how a person could not comprehend that this sign means "Parking---NO". But, see, that doesn't happen very often. Matter of fact, I have never seen a No Parking sign covered in anything that makes it unreadable.
And Chester and Sparky? See, it doesn't matter if you have your fucking emergency flashers on. The Law makes no exception for that. It's not like a cop will walk up to your car and say, "Sir/Ma'am, I need to see your drivers license and registration because you're parked in a No Par....WAIT!!! Oh, sorry about that, Sir/Ma'am. I didn't notice your Hazard lights were flashing wildly while you're sitting here idly waiting for your spouse to return from the store. Please take my badge number so you can file a formal complaint with my chief for disturbing your shopping and sitting experience."
Also? It doesn't matter if you're sitting there for One Second or One Day. You are violating the law. The Law states those curbs are designated for emergency vehicles only. Not your SUV or your 1987 ReliantK.
My dad, who among his duties as the Greatest Dad of All Time, was also a firefighter for 30 years, used to tell this hilarious story about an idiot that parked in a no-parking zone. The zone was designated for fire and emergency vehicles only. Clearly marked. One day, there was a fire, and this idiot's brand new BMW was parked in a no parking fire zone. The firemen didn't even flinch. They took the fire hose, hooked in to the hydrant, and proceeded to break out every window of the car so they could thread the hose from the hydrant to the fire THROUGH the car. The owner, of course, surfaces shortly after that and starts having a fit and flopping around how he's going to sue, and he's going to have their jobs (good luck....all volunteers, my friend.) and how he's going to make them pay. There is a state trooper right there, and the guy starts wildly waving his entire torso, trying to accurately portray the absolute indignation, the absolute injustice of this entire thing. The State trooper calmly looks at the car owner and said, "Well, sir, there is only one thing to do." The guy looked at the firefighters smugly, thinking he had won the battle. The state Trooper proceeded to write the guy a ticket for parking in a fire lane and obstructing an emergency vehicle. After realizing he had no allies, he got into his smashed-glass car and drove away. They never heard from him again.
My other favorite thing besides the hazard lights making it okay is the people that park about four inches away from THE ACTUAL SIGN. They couldn't even argue in front of God that they didn't see it. It's right there. If there was a way for them to actually lean their cars against it, they probably would. I don't necessarily think it's a direct defiance of the law. I think it's pure laziness. People don't want to walk 15 feet from their cars to the door. Or, they think that just because they're waiting for grandma Aggie to come out, they can sit in the obviously marked FIRE lane. Are you on fire? No? Then MOVE!!!!!
Next Tirade of mine will be on people who throw lit cigarettes out of car windows. Mark your calendars.
However, "No Parking" signs ARE NOT ONE OF THOSE THINGS. No Parking. No Parking-Fire Lane Only. No Parking-Emergency Vehicles Only. No Parking-Just Because. Yes, Sparky at Target. This means you. Yes, Chester at the Mall. This also means you. Don't even get me started on Wal-Mart. See, if the "No" portion of the sign was covered by, say, snow, or bird shit, or bb gun pock marks, I could MAYBE see the confusion. I could MAYBE see how a person could not comprehend that this sign means "Parking---NO". But, see, that doesn't happen very often. Matter of fact, I have never seen a No Parking sign covered in anything that makes it unreadable.
And Chester and Sparky? See, it doesn't matter if you have your fucking emergency flashers on. The Law makes no exception for that. It's not like a cop will walk up to your car and say, "Sir/Ma'am, I need to see your drivers license and registration because you're parked in a No Par....WAIT!!! Oh, sorry about that, Sir/Ma'am. I didn't notice your Hazard lights were flashing wildly while you're sitting here idly waiting for your spouse to return from the store. Please take my badge number so you can file a formal complaint with my chief for disturbing your shopping and sitting experience."
Also? It doesn't matter if you're sitting there for One Second or One Day. You are violating the law. The Law states those curbs are designated for emergency vehicles only. Not your SUV or your 1987 ReliantK.
My dad, who among his duties as the Greatest Dad of All Time, was also a firefighter for 30 years, used to tell this hilarious story about an idiot that parked in a no-parking zone. The zone was designated for fire and emergency vehicles only. Clearly marked. One day, there was a fire, and this idiot's brand new BMW was parked in a no parking fire zone. The firemen didn't even flinch. They took the fire hose, hooked in to the hydrant, and proceeded to break out every window of the car so they could thread the hose from the hydrant to the fire THROUGH the car. The owner, of course, surfaces shortly after that and starts having a fit and flopping around how he's going to sue, and he's going to have their jobs (good luck....all volunteers, my friend.) and how he's going to make them pay. There is a state trooper right there, and the guy starts wildly waving his entire torso, trying to accurately portray the absolute indignation, the absolute injustice of this entire thing. The State trooper calmly looks at the car owner and said, "Well, sir, there is only one thing to do." The guy looked at the firefighters smugly, thinking he had won the battle. The state Trooper proceeded to write the guy a ticket for parking in a fire lane and obstructing an emergency vehicle. After realizing he had no allies, he got into his smashed-glass car and drove away. They never heard from him again.
My other favorite thing besides the hazard lights making it okay is the people that park about four inches away from THE ACTUAL SIGN. They couldn't even argue in front of God that they didn't see it. It's right there. If there was a way for them to actually lean their cars against it, they probably would. I don't necessarily think it's a direct defiance of the law. I think it's pure laziness. People don't want to walk 15 feet from their cars to the door. Or, they think that just because they're waiting for grandma Aggie to come out, they can sit in the obviously marked FIRE lane. Are you on fire? No? Then MOVE!!!!!
Next Tirade of mine will be on people who throw lit cigarettes out of car windows. Mark your calendars.
posted by Nebraska Angie @ 8:07 PM
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